Two things!

I had two leetle revelations today.

Item the First: A cigarette is a bigger turn-off than a Bible for me. Isn't that just wacky!? If I somehow had the balls to walk up to and talk to random chicks, seeing her smoking would put me off to the point where I wouldn't talk to her, whereas a Bible would just discourage me a little. This is related to a post I had a few months back.

Item the Second: I don't think I could date or even get involved with another girl if she weren't a fan of heavy metal. I don't mean Led Zeppelin or Black Sabbath, but if she likes those she does have fantastic taste in music. I mean Between the Buried and Me, Lamb of God, Opeth. She has to appreciate some heavy music. Like, if I put on The Great Misdirect and she gets really uncomfortable and asks to put on Bruno Mars or some shit like that, she's gone. Well, probably not. But it'd be hella awkward because she just asked me to turn off one of my favorite bands and I'd refuse to play pop garbage.

Aren't you people glad you read my blag posts?

I don't live in a goddamn soap opera

How many times have I felt "betrayed" or something close to that and then acted cold, cruel, or whatever to the person who I felt wronged me when I was totally wrong and just being melodramatic?

I think it's been something like x out of a x times at this point. I use a variable because I've lost count over the years. I'm gonna be a big boy now and make the count (x-1) out of x times. Yeah. Let's work on that.

Skylines and Turnstiles

It's the big day. The tenth anniversary of 9/11. I've never given the date much thought beyond "'Merica!" because, hey, I'm incapable of thinking larger than that.

One of my favorite bands is My Chemical Romance. Call me an emo bitch all you want, you'd only be half right. And that's half wrong. I remember looking at their wikipedia page years ago, probably, and reading their origin story, and how they formed after Gerard Way wrote "Skylines and Turnstiles" in response to the 9/11 attacks. So, in honor of this tragic day in history I decided to listen to it once, because I never have before.

It was very typical of them at the time, grating emo punk rock, almost. I was listening to it on crappy laptop speakers, so I couldn't really pick out the lyrics, but I knew what it was about, and I listened all the way through. So, following that, when I had to take Bryce to work, I decided to pop in my iPod and just listen to all the MCR I had, from Three Cheers up to Danger Days. And SING came on, and I almost burst into tears at the wheel. I'm very, very bad at putting thoughts down into words, more so emotions, so forgive me if this isn't incredibly well put-together.

The lyrics to that song are far, far more pertinent to 2001 than they are today.

I'm not going to quote them right now, the song is right above this text, but they broke something in me thinking about the day, and I was crying for the first time in recent memory. You guys can listen for yourself and see if I'm right.

You're killing me, (person).

Nothing sucks more than seeing a really pretty girl smoking a cigarette. Other vices, you know what, fuck it, I can live with it depending on what it is. Underage drinking? Stupid idea, but as long as it's only a very occasional thing, hey, I'm almost 21, they're probably just as close. Smoking pot? Two of my best friends partake occasionally, and while I'd never try it myself, meh. It's less damaging to the human body than drinking.

But cigarettes have always been a very sore spot for me. I don't know why, exactly. Maybe it's because it's a disgusting-as-fuck habit. Maybe it's the smell.

I actually found out a few weeks before I shoved off to college that my cousin smoke, and I just about gutted him for it.

Smoking is a deal-breaker for me, though. If you currently smoke, please, stop. Your lungs will thank you.

Wait. Wait, what?

Okay, so I was just looking at a Twitter page a friend of mine follows, when I looked over at the side bar.

The part where it says "You follow and account that follows Herkaderkaschmurf" has always confused me a little, mostly because I don't always remember that it shows people that I follow that follow that particular account I am looking at at the time. Sometimes I get it backwards and think "Oh, these are people that we both follow, me and the account I'm viewing".

So anyway, I was looking at the bio stuff, just the little 140-character blurb, when I saw "INTJ". I recognize that, I've looked at a little Jung typology. So I take a closer look at the picture, think "Well she's pretty cute--" And then I remembered how the sidebar works and I look at her followers. 20-something thousand followers, some of the big-name people I follow are following this chick, and it honestly intimidated me for a second.

And that's where I had to pause myself.

It intimidated me? What? That's not right. Don't get me wrong, I'm one of the least intimidating people in the world and am incredibly timid to boot, so it's not like a puppy backing down Chuck Norris or anything equally ridiculous. But it's a statistic. How is that scary?

(Shut up, liberal art majors)

And it made me think, if only for a second, on the entire "celebrity" ideal. And if this sounds like it wasn't fully thought out, it wasn't. I wanted to get this up as quickly as possible to keep it as close to my train of thought as possible, so it's not entirely formulated.

Fffffffffffffffffff.

Gotta crank this out right quick--*slap*

Sorry, sorry. But really, I'm trying to get this out before Matt gets here.

Because I have nothing better to do than introspect when driving the Mako, due to my own foolishness and complete inability to get certain persons out of my head, I realized that I either have a crush to end all crushes or--

--And I can't express how heavily I make this statement, because this is indeed heavy material--

--I'm in love.

"Aw, that's so sweet!" Fuck you, no it's not. I'm still waist-deep in a 9-month depression from the LAST girl I was in love with. While ontologically it's better now rather than distracting me during school, I can't bury myself under school work to keep my mind away from it.

But seriously, I don't need or want this right now.

P.S.: You people should come visit me during Spring Break. I'll be all by my lonesome and will need the company to not go OMGWTFBBQ-crazy.

This might actually be tougher than the laser-guided amnesia for which we sometimes wish.

I was listening to Something Corporate tonight, and when it came to Only Ashes, I thought of the line "Incinerate what's left of this and torch the part of me that's you," because holy crap I, and I'm sure all of us at one point or another, have thought I just want to forget this person! Me, I still dwell on Brenna way too fucking much. Kinda-sorta-not-really doesn't help that I saw her boyfriend on facebook just yesterday as of this post because we have a mutual friend, but I digress.

I was thinking about this line and the fabled "forget whatever you don't want to remember!" technology that society indubitably fantasizes about every so often. I mean, just forgetting all the time I spent with her? All the repercussions she's had on my life? Are you kidding me? I was such a loser before I met her. I'm still a loser, but now I don't suck so much in a conversation.

I grew so much as a person last year. I still have a lot of growing to do. Seeing that she has moved on when I last heard that she wouldn't sleep or eat because I wouldn't talk to her was more than a kick in the pants.

I don't care so much about forgetting her. I just don't want to be so sad anymore.

Man, skag pocket watches.

So I've been thinking lately about communication and whatnot, and to be totally honest the thought was mostly spurred by Ben telling me that I need to make contact with real people (which is what I do every night there's a stream?), but I'm thinking of getting a very basic phone with just calling, no texting, no smartphones, just the ability to make a call anywhere I have a signal.

I've found myself using texting less and less for talking to people and more keeping my dad updated on work and whatnot and updating my facebook and Twitter, which is technically part of the problem, but that's neither here nor there.

Quick sidenote: Ian, I just found myself trying to insert a stupid witty phrase. This is why I should not be fed compliments.


Anyway, I'm also going to try to wean myself off facebook and Twitter a little. This is probably horribly counterproductive towards any semblance of a social life I have right now, but whatevs.

Another quick sidenote: If you'll glance up a paragraph or two, you'll notice that I said facebook and Twitter were neither here nor there, but I mentioned them not two sentences later... Go figure.

So I'm gonna go this weekend trying to text as little as possible and make calls when I can.

And yes, people of the world who are unendingly harassed by me, rejoice, for I shall text you no longer, and probably facebook/Tweet you far less.